Dealing with self acceptance...My story!

I haven't ever done this but I just felt it in my heart to do this post. I hope it helps one or 2 people out there. Around when I was 7, I started to feel out of place; you know like I didn't belong or to be honest that I just wasn't good looking enough to be liked by people. My little sister used to always get all the attention. Every party we went to, every social gathering we had, people would always throw it in my face that I was the ugly one of the two. Then came age 9 when I broke my front tooth from slipping in water, I started to feel even more insecure in myself and absolutely hated myself.; and the comparison to my sister seemed to never end.

Fast-foward to age 13 when this boy....uhh lets just call him M liked me. It was such a weird feeling I had. He was my friend up until he uttered those 3 terryifing word "I like you" I started to avoid him like he was the scum of the earth. This was all my insecurities kicking in. He was such a good guy to me but after all the years of resentment from people I just couldn't wrap my head around the thought of someone liking me. I thought to myself there are so many pretty girls for you to have your eyes on, why don't you like them? ...Anyway, my relationship with M became strained and we never got to date...this very easily became the story of my life.

I continued this behavior with any guy that ever told me they had feelings for me. I would avoid them and even sometimes talked badly about them until they left me alone.  I graduated high school at 17, hadn't ever dated anyone, and moved to college in the States. Y'all know going to college in the US can be very intimidating, and being a young, naive african girl was def the worst combo. You meet all kinds of people. Some claim to be from Africa and are all cool when you are just with them but the minute you see them outside with their friends they are a whole different person... but I won't go into that now. #storyforanotherday

I say all this to say, my insecurities and confidence was non-existent at this point. I mean yea I would get compliments like OMG!! you're so tall, you look like a model, you should model, you're so pretty...blah blah blah! But I just didn't see any of that when I looked in the mirror. And then I will say a while after I turned 21! Shoker!! yes it really took me that long to accept myself, seeing that that was only 2 years ago. I started asking myself some deep questions, and I started to feel a bit better about myself. O and yes I finally did date this amazing guy for 2 years but we ended things... you know it just didn't work out.

Oh! Who am I fooling...with the it just didn't work out line? Girl!!! I got cheated on and all hell broke loose for me. My whole world came crashing down as this was the only person I had opened up all my insecurities and vulnerabilities to. After the break up, my insecurities sky rocketed again and this time even worse than before. I started to live in the shadow of people and just not appreciating myself  or the way I looked.

Okay I am sure you guys are tired of reading my gibberish. So I will start to wrap it up here and say at 23 I am at a very good place with how I feel about myself. I no longer look at the mirror and see an ugly skinny irrelevant girl. I see a girl with a bright and promising future. I see a girl who has been hurt and will probably still get hurt. A very beautiful girl with big dreams, who loves easily and has a big heart and its okay that people may not appreciate you. I have learnt that the moment you start seeing yourself as a super woman people will start to see these things in you as well. I mean it wasn't a walk in the park to get here it took courage, prayer, love and a few to start to see these things that other people were seeing in me but I am here now and I am never going back.

Now #1 This doesn't mean I don't edit the hell out of my photos cuz you know these pictures still  have to be on #2 I definitely don't think I am Beyonce or anything like that, and I still have somethings I struggle with, but I can proudly say I am my biggest fan, and you should be yours too.

So girllllll stop feeling like you are a nobody, there  is a reason why you are here. You are smart, unique and most importantly you are Beautiful! It might take a while to get to that point of feeling like you are the "it girl" but trust me once you get there it is the most liberating feeling in the world. Accept yourself after all you're all you've got. So ride with you till the fucking wheels fall off...AB!